using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
