Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
