On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
