hotel room ftw
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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