Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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