are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
