he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This baby is an asshole
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
