I looked at my own cervix.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
