well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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