Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
