i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
