i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
