Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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