If that was your dad, he is hot
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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