and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This house was built for laser tag.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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