3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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