u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
