Dual....:-)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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