i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So squirting runs in the family.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
