I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
