Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize