you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
