How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
