I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
