dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
