Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
