scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
