i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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