bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
