he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
