Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
