if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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