Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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