im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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