Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
