worst night to have a conscience
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
