guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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