ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
