we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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