butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
