420 ftw
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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