well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
