so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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