Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
