How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
