I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
