Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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