Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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