Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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