Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
